winter skin

it's always winter in my head.

Models // Allison Smyser and Evan Shadle @ Kim Dawson

Photography/Styling // Me

Hair + Make Up // Susie Jasper @ Seaminx

Photo Asst. // Cameron Lee Phan

Featured wardrobe from Yasmina Johnston I.O.S. Rest is vintage.

for Atwood Magazine.

a grey story

 If you know me, at all, I am often restless. I enjoy my fair share of relaxing days, but if I am not busy working or creating something then I get very anxious very quickly. And lately, well perhaps not just lately, I have become restless with my work and I always tell myself, try something out of your comfort zone, and more often than not, I sink back into what is familiar. But this time, I actually took my own advice and created a story entirely opposite of my every day style. Cameron is someone I have grown to trust as he allows me to experiment (plus he put's up with my diminishing attention span and the fact that I put him in girl's clothing sometimes). And for this story, I dug out the flash that came on my canon ae-1 program and attached it to my mark ii, prayed that it would not explode or break my camera, and shot these images. They are extremely different than anything I have done, and I enjoy them for that reason.

For Saints Magazine V1

Model: Cameron Phan @ Clutts Agency

Styling + Grooming: Me

bumps

Lately, I've been at a type of crossroads. Then again, perhaps I'm always at a crossroads with my work. I enjoy too many styles and too many things. I jump around in my mind with how I want to present my work or how I want to shoot or even what I want to shoot. But I think it is time I just give up trying to decide. I believe it is wonderful to have a style, and I believe I do have one, but I do not feel as if I need to stop here. I have to let myself change and accept that I will naturally follow a course and two years from now, it could be entirely different, whether it is better or worse.

So while I was traveling to Austin, I decided to let go of my controlling nature (I have the tendency to plan out every photo shoot to the smallest detail) and just shoot, shoot whatever is in front of me or whatever I find remotely interesting, including non-portraiture. I think, too often we get set in this way of doing things, like shooting one type of photography, and not branching out enough. Anyway, here are some of those photos I took while on the road to Austin.

twenty

Today I turn 20 and it has been nearly 5 years since I began taking photographs.

In all honesty, it doesn't feel like I'm turning a whole year older but maybe it's because I still feel young. Or maybe, I'm just in denial. But this one marks a bit of a mile stone for me (other than simply the obvious of not being a teenager anymore.) I can look back over the past 20 years and say, with quite some confidence, that I have made it further than I have ever imagined and I'm proud of myself for once. And I see no harm in that. I always have these absurd expectations of myself and though I have fulfilled some, I haven't even scratched the surface of most of them. Now, fair warning, this post is image heavy, but it will mainly outline the last 5 years of my life as I feel like those have been my most significant and since my 5 year photography "anniversary" happens in November, I figured why not tie in everything together. Plus, I can't find any of the pictures of myself growing up because my parents have them tucked away somewhere.

[I did find these so I can't forget the obligatory photos of me as child]

-----------

Now, I consider this point in my life to be my rebirth (2008). I don't remember much before this time really, not before my 365. I remember choosing to start taking photos because I had been criticized for my lack of emotion and empathy during my youth and I felt I had to prove something to my peers. And creating images from thoughts in my head felt like a wonderful way to show people that I wasn't an emotionless bag of bones. My peers made me feel abnormal, unaccepted and at that point in my life, in almost everyone's life, I felt the need to conform or "fit in". However, I find this odd because I don't think I ever did conform, but I ended up proving to myself that maybe I really was worth something. And here I am, almost 5 years later, turning 20 years old and feeling even more confident than ever that I am on the right track.

2008/2009

2010

clara!

 

 

2011

 

 

 

2012

 

 
(oh ya then this random thing happened where I photographed Neon Trees)

nyc in instax photos ooh ~

2013